The Ever-Winding Road of Finding Yourself, with Catie Turner

As she continues to move through the music industry, Catie Turner is learning how to be herself again. Honoring her true feelings like never before, Turner’s recent work exemplifies her return to her roots of authenticity. 

PHOTOS BY JULIAN DANIEL

The path to self discovery is non-linear. It has twists and turns, regressions and advances, and highs and lows. It's work, it takes time, and it looks different from person to person. Catie Turner, the Los Angeles-based indie pop artist, knows firsthand what it takes to find yourself, and she’s not done yet. 

In an interview with Pleaser, Turner said her music is conversational, like a friend sitting down on your bed to divulge a crush or existential thoughts. She used her hit song “God Must Hate Me,” as an example, explaining that its charm is its authenticity. Turner doesn’t hide behind metaphors or polished lyrics, she lays out raw insecurities that attract fans who feel just as deeply as she does. The opening verse brings big, abstract feelings to a tangible size,

Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me"

'Cause He spent so much time on them and for me, He got lazy

Got ample mental illness personality flaws

While their only flaw seems to be is that they have none at all

Sonically, “God Must Hate Me,” is stripped back, mainly focused on simple piano chords and Turner's voice. The minimal composition mirrors Turner’s emotional vulnerability, like she’s confiding in the audience. Her voice is guided by feeling; it isn’t always perfect, it sometimes breaks, it’s sometimes fragile. This adds to the personal feel of the track, it’s not performative or attention-seeking, but layered with unfiltered emotion. 

The song gained a lot of traction at just over 72 million streams on Spotify, and Turner said some of those listens were generated through her presence on social media. She described her style of posting as chaotic and often or not at all. “If it was a romantic relationship I’d say it was toxic,” she joked. 

Her platform of choice is TikTok because she feels there’s more freedom to post whatever comes to mind. Turner said that comfortability allowed her to have her viral moments, amassing 384.9K followers and 13.5M likes on the app. My favorite “God Must Hate Me” promo clip is one from 2022, where Turner is dancing around her bedroom with the song in the background. The words pasted on the screen read “Me dancing at the gates of heaven 4 god so he lets me in after writing this song.” The juxtaposition of wanting the approval of a higher power while dancing to a song about how they’re not treating you fairly made me laugh!

My other favorite Catie Turner social media clip is from January of this year. She’s covering “Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran, sitting on her bed with her dog. She looks back and forth between the camera and her dog once or twice, as the pet begins the roll around in her bedding. She continues to sing, adding effortless emotion and tenderness to Sheeran’s track. “Give Me Love” is a great representation of the best of Sheeran, and Turner paid a charming ode to the classic. Turner said in our interview that Sheeran’s discography, specifically the older albums, are bodies of work she uses to inspire her sound.

Before her ability to promote through social media, Turner first gained an audience for her music on one of the biggest music platforms in TV. She performed her first original single, "21st Century Machine," on American Idol at 17 years old in 2017, which advanced her to Hollywood. The show aired in 2018, and Turner eventually made it all the way to the top 7! Wildly impressive at any age, but especially for a young girl.  

“I’m going to paint a picture for you: a 17 year old girl who can barely speak to cashiers - let alone sing in public - decides on a whim to go on a reality television show. That was my American Idol experience in a nutshell: winging it, winging it, and more winging it,” was how Turner described her success.

She was so shocked after her nod to Hollywood, that she collapsed to her knees and sobbed dramatically. 

“My Grandmother thought I was having heat stroke, but she just couldn’t understand my flair for theatre and also my extreme confusion.” Turner said. 

‘21st Century Machine’ was actually not Turner’s first choice of song, but was added to please her mother. Turner’s other option was a “sultry rendition of ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’” that was “unremarkable at best,” according to Turner. While I’m sure that’s just her humble nature, ‘21st Century Machine’ is what caught the attention of the judges. The track examines growing up in the modern age, how expectations and societal pressure push us into becoming a version of ourselves tainted by conformity. The first verse sings, 

People on the airwaves always preach who I should be

How to dress, how to talk

Baby, how to breathe

Wicked artist use their limber fingers

To paint pictures of what young girls are to aspire to be

I’m not alive if I’m not on illegal weed

Turner said she wrote the song 10 years ago, after a friend of hers was trying to pressure her into smoking (hence the reference to illegal weed). “Though she makes me cringe the slightest bit,” Turner said, referencing her 17-year-old self, “I can appreciate her sweet naive existence.”

Her first 2019 EP, The Sad Vegan, was released independently, but received enough recognition to get the attention of Atlantic Records. Turner signed with Atlantic in 2020, and released three EPs under them; Heartbroken and Milking It in 2021, Comedy & Tragedy: Act 1 in June 2023 and Comedy & Tragedy: Act 2 in October 2023. Under Atlantic, Turner said her writing suffered. 

“I stopped writing from feeling and started writing for others, like the youngest child craving attention,” she said. 

She explained that she began to write every song with the intention of being heard, “I started thinking well, I don't want that person to hear this, and I started getting really in my head about it.” 

Turner left the record label after releasing Comedy & Tragedy: Act 2. As an independent artist again, Turner said she’s beginning to unlearn those tendencies and embrace the vulnerability that she began her career with. Her biggest lesson: write like no one’s going to hear it. She started learning it with her latest releases, noting her summer 2024 track “Friends,” as a prime example. 

“I’m really saying it how it is, I was so honest that I forgot how it felt to release a song that the person I’m writing about would hear. I truly honored my feelings so much that I was reaching out to the other person to warn them,” she laughed. 

Within the first few lines, the truth Turner had alerted her friend to were revealed,

Funny how we're friends

When you wanna touch my body

Funny how we're friends

When I went to kiss your neck

Up next for Turner, she plans to tour more cities across the US and continue to release songs that are true to her. She said for her neurodivergent brain, touring is “like crack.” She enjoys having a set schedule that integrates doing what she loves every day, thrifting city to city, and of course performing for supportive fans and evolving individuals just like herself.

“It’s crazy to contextualize the people who like your music.” she said. Continuing, “I still have gifts that people made me on my desk. It reminds me of who I am.”

Her next single “I Might” is set for June 6. Mark your calendars now!